Stressed & freaking out

There is too much going on right now for me to post anything,
I just needed to write and feel like telling the world out there that
I'm still trying to scrape passing my year, next exam is
this thursday. I don't have much confidance
that I will pass, I'm hoping that I will pass by the
grace of God so I need people to pray
for me, I need as many people as possible
because right now failing this exam means
that I'm basically not going to make it as
a doctor, because there is no means
for me to repeat my year. And I've already had a
melt down this month, I don't think
my friends or I could take another one of my
temper outbursts. I know it's propbably the shortest
and least put together post but I will hopefully be back
 again in july where I will be posting from Ireland after
inshallah passing 2 exams, if not one at least!

Like a flower

“When it comes down to it she's the warda (flower) of our group”

was what on of my group-mates said to me while we were joking around in class, to which my other group-mate replied

“ Yeah I know, why do you think I'm so nice to her”

I may not have shown it at the time , but that really made me smile. Even now when I think back to it, I can feel a smile on my face. It's the small things like this that really make me see how lucky I am to have these people in my group, because even though I may have complained about feeling left out I know that my group are like my family. It makes me want to shut down this blog and hit myself for the times I gave out about them. I know, such a small comment made such a huge impact on me. But that's the kind of person I am, even if I get angry and a have a quick temper, when apologised to, I forgive quickly and don't like holding grudges. My group is like my family, and alhumdillah we all get along so well, recently there was a new addation to our group. A girl from 3^rd year is doing this module with us and even she commented how she loved the vibe and atmosphere our group had , saying that it was rare that a group got along so well.

On a more serious note, I'm hanging by the edge of my teeth from failing this year. It's true that you only realise how important something is to you until it is(or nearly ) taken away from you. I really don't want to fail, but somehow I cant seem to pass an exam only after repeating it, which means that I always have more than one exam to study for in a month. I would feel so guilty if I failed as well, because I know I can do better but just can't seem to be able to pass the material on time. As well as the guilt of disappointing my parents. That is enough to make me cringe, because lately my mom has been talking to me about how important it is to pass this year, and when I talked to my dad about a tutorial I needed help with I could tell how proud of me he was, for being him to be able to give me scenarios and me try to come up with a logic explanation. God help me :( 

Frustrations

A conversation between me and my so called friend, we were discussing Sudan and joking when suddenly this comment really aggravated me. 

My friend: takhalof u know qoran tried to change u ppl but u still the same

Abrabie: ohhhhhhh that's going too far man

My Friend: yea truth

Abrabie: what truth?

My Friend: that u took islam...the real islam from us real arabs

Abrabie: what?? seriously I actually cannot believe what your sayin ?

Abrabie: so what we weren't real muslims?

My friend: since when africans were real muslims

Abrabie: screw you

The conversation ended with him saying to me 

"don't pretend to be arab next time ok??

we all know who is the real pure arab here" 

Is it just me or this really offensive? Maybe I'm being biased because the topic of being arab hit a nerve with me and my confusion of heritage? 

But my interpretation is he is basically saying that were not real muslims, and that islam doesn't belong to Sudanese people, and even after we read the quran we still are not real muslims

Honestly it is people like that, that make my temper flare, and when I'm angry I say things that really hurt people. This is the reply I have typed out, and debating weather to send it or not. 

 pure arab? screw being arab 

didn't you say you were half Kurdish? 

since when were Kurds pure arabs? add to it 

your always acting black?  what do you 

think it means to be black? it means 

being from Africa, or having African decent/ethnicity 

 so stop hating cause I am what you wish you were!

On the other hand, maybe just writing out my frustrations is enough :) 

P.S; I don't mean ANY offense to any Kurds out there, I'm only saying this to take out my frustration at my friend for his comment.  

Life is a glass

everyday of our lives

we fill it with emotions

most of which

we empty out with a smile

a tear or a frown

But when we keep everything in

allowing the glass to fill

not knowing it can't expand

And one day it will overflow

and like a tsunami of emotions

the glass will be empty again

My own quote ©

One thing leads to another

Ever notice how just one thing that puts you in a bad mood for a few hours will turn into a whole week of Murphy's law? (Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong). 

   I have a quick and really bad temper, and it started with an Irish classmate from here telling me that he was in contact with the Irish ambassador to here and she wanted to have lunch with the Irish students who were studying here to get to know them. Sounds cool right? Little did I know what a complete waste of time it was going to be, because long story short he had messed up, told her he wasn't going to be able to make it and only decided to tell me this the night before. That as small as it may seem got me temper fired up because of all the other things that have been adding up to it, mainly;

   My left shoulder is in bits(pretty certain it's the same injury I had a few years ago, to which I didn't finish my antibiotics for, is coming back again), my throat is still soar because of the swollen tonsils (For the first time in my life I have tonsillitis) I've had for the last month to which my father continues to tell me will be fine, and leave them be, my eye is soar and red for no reason, I'm starving because all I've had to eat is coke and two cups of tea because I have no money left on my account and when I tried to ask my sister if dad has sent me money she got annoyed hung up on me cause I didn't want to go on skype cause I was already in a bad mood from my phone not working, and the fact that I haven't had a proper nights sleep for a week (because of the yet again number of exams I have) resulting in me sleeping during the day but being interrupted every time by the loud banging on the door coming from the bin man looking for my neighbour. And all I wanted to do was talk to two people about it both of whom chose to ditch me, so I turned off my phone, signed out of facebook, skype and msn. Locked myself in my room and sat down reading all the book blogs I've recently found out about. To of no avail I'm still in a bad mood and until one of these problems is solved it doesn't look like it's going to change. Still I'm going to go to sleep optimistic, maybe tomorrow things will change for the better?

 

Cynical Thoughts

I'm feeling very cynical today. Two things I learnt today

1. Being polite might make you feel like a better person, but it doesn't get you far in life
2. Stupidity, ignorance and rudeness is the devils temptation for people who are trying to control their temper

“Treat people the way you want to be treated, talk to people the way you want to be talked to, respect will get you respect” is the biggest load of crap I've heard and just an earnest dream.

Life is like a game of “the weakest link” wherever you are in life you'll be a team but don't forget it's a competition, if you're dragging down the team you'll be dropped so learn to pull your own weight. Cause there are only two people in this world you can truly count on no matter what; yourself and God.  

Observant People

You feel so significant in this world when these two questions are asked to you in one day

“Is it your birthday close?”Asked by someone I see on a daily basis

“Where you in class today? “ Asked by the person I met before class and we walked around trying to figure out where the class was today.

One day I will stop being so polite and just say to people what's REALLY on my mind.