All the right friends in all the wrong places

To start of this post with a bright note, I'm home! Actually I've been home for almost a week now, anyway this is a picture I took when I was coming in on the bus. The photography  isn't exactly the best but the view looked so amazing and the relaxation I felt seeing familiar home settings after 3 months is unexplainable
  I was in town today just walking by, and I saw one of my old friends I went to school with.I was so happy to finally see someone I knew and had a connection with, but that joy was crushed when I felt she didn't seem all that excited, in fact it just seemed like she's greeted me like she just saw me an hour ago instead of two years ago! I don't know why but  I honestly thought that I would stay good friends with all my close friends from school, and what makes it worse is that during my first year in uni when I kept finding things hard I always had one thought  "it's okay, just get through it and when you get back home you can talk about it to your good friends" now I find that their too busy with their new lives to spare a moment for old friends.It's not that I blame my friends, there amazing but sometimes I wish I could have all my friends in one place, I don't want to miss any of them...selfish? yeah I know
       The other problem I thought about is that I'm gonna have to start getting used to this or finding a better way to deal with it, cause if I wanna travel as much as I hope to I have to get used to making friends in one place and when I have to move leaving them and making new friends. Which kinda leaves me to think will I ever find a place that I can actually truly call home? It always makes me think of this verse by one of my favorite poets;

Think of the long trip home.
Should we have stayed at home and thought of here?
What childishness is it that while there's a breath of life in our bodies, we are determined to rush to see
the sun the other way around?

Too young, too early

So decided that I'm going to try and write here a little bit more often because; 
1. I really do want to be become a writer but right now with my English and with me not being able to construct a sentence properly, that dream is slowly going down the drain.

2. I can't concentrate on studying at all. Whenever it comes to study time, I can sit for hours doing absolutely nothing, so someone told me to just write down all the thoughts that come into my head to get rid of it, if I write here I kill two birds with one stone! 
     Whoever said I wasn't good at multitasking? ;) 
Anyway getting back to the reason why I can't concentrate. Lately I don't seem to have the motivation anymore to study at all, at first I thought maybe it was because I didn't take enough breaks and was studying too much, but even after I took a break I just wasn't in the mood to get back and hit the books. Everything I did seemed a lot more interesting then looking at anatomy books, then I started thinking about why I wasn't motivated and finally came up with some sort of explanation. I'm starting to wonder if medicine really is for me? Did I choose my path in life too early? The thing about it is that I have always loved chemistry, but every job that actually has chemistry in it holds no interest for me e.g studying pharmacy would have been perfect but any career to do with it just isn't. Which leaves me in a dead end, because to be honest apart from art (which is hard to make a career out of) I don't really have any other choice in jobs. Maybe it's just a phase I'm going through? either way..I made my bed, now I have to lie in it.

Easier for them

Sometimes I wish I was a guy! I know it's such a weird thing to say, especially because I'm always telling guys that it's such a great thing to be a girl! But in some things lately I think they have it so much easier, it started with me dressing up as a guy for a Halloween party in our uni..I know what your thinking "what's so weird about that?" it's very out of character for me,  I'm the really quiet kind of girly girl who would come as a princess or something along those lines....but I took the plunge and went as a gangster. Here is the reasons why I think they have it easier;

1. They get to wear whatever, look like complete sh**t and it'll all be okay, a girl does the same and gets asked "are you okay? you don't look so good today" 

2. Complete and utter freedom, the amount of things I have wanted to do...and just been told I can't cause I'm a girl and it's not safe. 

        So this is part of the reason that made me start to write this blog, I want to have that freedom, I want to be able to say what I think. I know for most people the easier solution  would just be to open up their mouth and just say what they think, but for me it's a lot harder. It's not in my nature, whatever opinions or thoughts I have I usually keep to myself, but I do have an opinion and I do want to my voice to be heard. So I'm taking it a step at a time, first step is this blog! 

   I am the aspiring Leonardo da Vinci.I greatly admire da Vinci, he was able to do all the things he loved and make a living out of it, I know that I will never be comparable to him but I will strive for it anyway. I want to be able to put all the things that I love together my love for art, writing and science/medicine. I'm not always sure of what I want, especially of what I want to do with the rest of my life, but on the way to figuring it out I'm doing medicine for the mean time and see where it takes me!