Like a flower

“When it comes down to it she's the warda (flower) of our group”

was what on of my group-mates said to me while we were joking around in class, to which my other group-mate replied

“ Yeah I know, why do you think I'm so nice to her”

I may not have shown it at the time , but that really made me smile. Even now when I think back to it, I can feel a smile on my face. It's the small things like this that really make me see how lucky I am to have these people in my group, because even though I may have complained about feeling left out I know that my group are like my family. It makes me want to shut down this blog and hit myself for the times I gave out about them. I know, such a small comment made such a huge impact on me. But that's the kind of person I am, even if I get angry and a have a quick temper, when apologised to, I forgive quickly and don't like holding grudges. My group is like my family, and alhumdillah we all get along so well, recently there was a new addation to our group. A girl from 3^rd year is doing this module with us and even she commented how she loved the vibe and atmosphere our group had , saying that it was rare that a group got along so well.

On a more serious note, I'm hanging by the edge of my teeth from failing this year. It's true that you only realise how important something is to you until it is(or nearly ) taken away from you. I really don't want to fail, but somehow I cant seem to pass an exam only after repeating it, which means that I always have more than one exam to study for in a month. I would feel so guilty if I failed as well, because I know I can do better but just can't seem to be able to pass the material on time. As well as the guilt of disappointing my parents. That is enough to make me cringe, because lately my mom has been talking to me about how important it is to pass this year, and when I talked to my dad about a tutorial I needed help with I could tell how proud of me he was, for being him to be able to give me scenarios and me try to come up with a logic explanation. God help me :( 

Frustrations

A conversation between me and my so called friend, we were discussing Sudan and joking when suddenly this comment really aggravated me. 

My friend: takhalof u know qoran tried to change u ppl but u still the same

Abrabie: ohhhhhhh that's going too far man

My Friend: yea truth

Abrabie: what truth?

My Friend: that u took islam...the real islam from us real arabs

Abrabie: what?? seriously I actually cannot believe what your sayin ?

Abrabie: so what we weren't real muslims?

My friend: since when africans were real muslims

Abrabie: screw you

The conversation ended with him saying to me 

"don't pretend to be arab next time ok??

we all know who is the real pure arab here" 

Is it just me or this really offensive? Maybe I'm being biased because the topic of being arab hit a nerve with me and my confusion of heritage? 

But my interpretation is he is basically saying that were not real muslims, and that islam doesn't belong to Sudanese people, and even after we read the quran we still are not real muslims

Honestly it is people like that, that make my temper flare, and when I'm angry I say things that really hurt people. This is the reply I have typed out, and debating weather to send it or not. 

 pure arab? screw being arab 

didn't you say you were half Kurdish? 

since when were Kurds pure arabs? add to it 

your always acting black?  what do you 

think it means to be black? it means 

being from Africa, or having African decent/ethnicity 

 so stop hating cause I am what you wish you were!

On the other hand, maybe just writing out my frustrations is enough :) 

P.S; I don't mean ANY offense to any Kurds out there, I'm only saying this to take out my frustration at my friend for his comment.  

Life is a glass

everyday of our lives

we fill it with emotions

most of which

we empty out with a smile

a tear or a frown

But when we keep everything in

allowing the glass to fill

not knowing it can't expand

And one day it will overflow

and like a tsunami of emotions

the glass will be empty again

My own quote ©