My future is scarier than Halloween

So this post has been on my to do list for quiet some time , and the reason that I have been avoiding writing is that I really don't even know what I can write or what way I can deal with the situation I've put myself in. So after two months of meeting with the vice-dean and trying to pull as many strings as I could, it has been finally decided that I will have to repeat my 2^nd year. The decision was made about three weeks ago but I still haven’t found a way of dealing with it, and I think I wont be able to for a long time. I've tried to do everything to cheer myself, but so far the only thing that has been consistent is me crying at least once a day for these few weeks. I've read all the quotes about how everything happens for a reason and how sometimes things go wrong for the right reason but the pain, embarrassment and humiliation of having to redo everything again is all I seem to be able to think about. I've had to rethink about everything I've done in my life, the choices I've made and the friends I've let go and it always ends up me having the same taught, I'm a failure. I'm turning 20 this January and honestly what have I got to show for it? A failed year, my writing is going so bad it's practically non existent, I haven’t read a book in over a year, I've forgot how to draw the simplest of things and I can barely keep in contact with any of my friends. I know it seems like I'm complaining but right now from my point of view it seems like everything in my life is falling apart and if it hasn't than I'm waiting for it to blow up in my face

                    Even with all these negative thoughts the optimistic side of me is trying to find something to hold on to, some hope that everything will turn out okay. Maybe the fact that I wont be in the same year as the people I've known for the last 3 years now I'll be able to see who are the real friends and who is just there to be there. Actually the best  advice that I got came from an unexpected source of friend. They said to me that I've fallen into a hole, and although I have friends that want to help me out, no one is going to jump into the hole with me, and although crying will make me feel a little bit better if  all I do is keep crying then I'm going to drown myself in the hole with all the tears, so what I have to learn to do is climb out of the hole, and once I have I'll always know where the hole is, and now that I have I wont make the same mistake again and wont fall into the same hole, and because I learnt to get myself out of the hole by myself I'll be stronger as a person. So for now I'll try to take everyday as it comes and as I do I'll be climbing out of the hole.